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Sunday, December 17, 2017 
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Cinematronic by Michael Snyder
Film
cinematronic
  Alone In The Dark cinematronic
  director

Uwe Boll

cast

Christian Slater, Tara Reid, Stephen Dorff, Frank C. Turner, Mathew Walker, Will Sanderson

year

2005

rating rating cinematronic
  So incredibly bad that it's worth watching for the hilarity of its sheer ineptitude, "Alone in the Dark" is as ridiculous as the silliest, most overheated monster movie of the 1950s. Not even the finest, most convincing 21st-century computer animation could make this turkey fly. The CGI and design are the chintziest that money can buy. The plot, dialogue and acting are worse, although what stars Christian Slater, Tara Reid and Stephen Dorff do here can hardly be called "acting." Based on the video game of the same name, "Alone in the Dark" features the exploits of the psychically tuned-in Edward Carnby (Slater), former member of an elite government strike force dedicated to combating paranormal threats. Carnby's ex-girlfriend (Reid) is an assistant museum curator with access to relics that can unleash an other-dimensional evil capable of destroying the world. Before long, Commander Richards (Dorff) of the paranormal police is asking for Carnby's help in defeating an army of supernatural demons. All hell breaks loose, and, rather than chills, the result is guffaws from the hackneyed writing, the cheesy un-special effects, and mostly from the idea of Reid, who comes off as a certified dim bulb, as a woman of intellect. Clumsily assembled by German director Uwe Boll, this is that rare, well-financed modern film so messy and incompetent it makes cult filmmaker Ed Wood's no-budget clunkers seem like AFI honorees.  
cinematronic
cinematronic


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